The way to you



The rhythm of my heart

Since I worked the graveyard shift, I get to enjoy the stillness of the night. Most of the people are already asleep while I on the other hand is wide awake.

I was up since midnight.

Thirty seven years ago, I was born on this day. There are days that my mind is overwhelmed with all the humongous responsibility I carry at work and at home. Unlike ordinary days, I get to enjoy the silence.

But really what is being alive? What propels me and you to wake up in the morning and greet a brand new day? On what tempo do we move each day?
On what standards do we measure ourselves with? In the eyes of God, our parents, spouses and friends?

The questions kept piling up the past few months and I am on the hunt for answers.

Then another question emerged.

What was the most life changing event that happened so far in my life? What has the most positive impact in my life and from thereon was a ripple of wonderful memories.

I met you.
You brought me closer to God.
Your love and passion for Him at a young age.
Your simple dreams and generous heart.
You dreamt of being a Doctor and somehow
You have influenced me in my profession.
You are the best birthday gift in my lifetime.
September 10, 1992.
You were a true heaven sent.
You were gone for almost two decades now.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me.

I already bid you farewell, when I laid the roses on your grave. But this time, I wanted to say thank you that once in my life I was loved by you on your short time on earth.

The very first time on my birthday that I did not feel the pain of your death.
Thank you Lord for this wonderful birthday gift.

( I wrote this on my birthday September 8, 2014)

I finally decided to publish this today because it’s October 25, the day you went home to be with our Creator. Remembering you with much love and gratefulness. As I look back God carried me through the pain and broken heart. I celebrate your life!


My Father, My Hero

His definition of love is discipline.
He reminds us over and over again
that money doesn’t grow on trees.
He is one of the most hardworking person I know.
He is stubborn most of the time.
He never fails to surprise me.
He cooks the best dinuguan, kaldereta, nilagang baka, KBL and my favorite of all inubadan nga manok ( chicken with banana trunk).
Like a baby he cried when he knew I was diagnosed to have a tumor and more so when I can no longer bear a child.
He told me that he will never be a hindrance to my happiness.
He honored my decision to marry the man I love.
He’ s got a lot of shortcomings. He is not perfect.
But for me He is the best father in the world.
He is my father.
My Papa and my Hero.

Happy Father’s Day Papa!
I Love You!

Love always,


With my Papa and Mama


I bleed blue, red, white and yellow. The colors of the flag of my beloved country Philippines. Today marks the 116th Independence Day of the Philippines from colonization from Spain and United States of America thereafter.

Our forefathers fought by their sweat and blood. This was the war centuries ago. Today, our motherland Philippines is still fighting a battle that every Filipino should face. As long as the basic needs of every Juan is not met, the battle continues.The need for food, shelter, health and education to name a few.

I had my share of serving my country during EDSA DOS. My best friend Myra and I stayed in Edsa Shrine for a vigil and ready to March to Mendiola at day break. But our plans changed when I was instructed by our General. Secretary to stay put and pray together with Evangelicals for Justice and Righteousness. Elders are God given counselors, though with a heavy heart I obeyed.

It is when a member of the EDSA DOS Rally organizers approached our group at 0630 am that they need people to help guard the Edsa Shrine Stairs for lack of manpower. Since we were the youngest in the group, Myra and I volunteered. We took our place at the stairs near the EDSA highway. Two ROTC cadets joined us after an hour. It was quiet until we received the news that they had impeached ERAP and the Vice-President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo will take oath as the President.

The people rushing to get through the EDSA Shrine stage swarmed like bees. We were instructed to issue a security pass and we should only allow dignitaries, media, performers to pass the stairs. We were confused on how are we going to do this to control the crowd. For media they told us they will be given Identification Cards so it was supposed to be easier for us. Reality bites. I can no longer count how many security stickers I had issued with my signature. The media arrived first, with their big cameras, CNN caught my attention. Then followed by a verbal argument with General Abadilla when I didn’t recognize him. He was not wearing his military uniform. (He asked me, don’t I recognize him? Duh? I only saw him on TV not in real life how will I remember that very moment. I was hungry, exhausted and under the scorching heat of the sun). I said my apologies, after him was almost a parade of military officials. I recognized General Wycoco.

After the Military Dignitaries then came the former Chief Justice Davide and his colleagues. One of the witnesses, also came. I can no longer remember his name right now.Then someone approached me, he was asking for a name of an assemblyman. I asked him to wait, I went over to the organizer’s area and there I saw politicians being interviewed. I finally spotted him and I asked him about the name of the assemblyman. He doesn’t know that person and he wasn’t on the list. So I made my way back and told the three men that I am sorry I can not let you pass. There is no person with that name, I even added can you try calling his cellphone. Not for a moment that Myra and I have thought about our safety. What would have happened if they were armed men? We had been standing for hours guarding the stairs with only two ROTC Cadet Officers as back up. Then ten more ROTC Cadets were aded to our group to control the crowd.

I saw the arrival of Vice President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo and her entourage. Not in my hundred dreams did I ever dreamt to be this close, to have witnessed the Philippine history unfolding before my eyes. More officials arrived. Myra and I and the two cadet officers that are with us hold the fort of guarding the the stairs until PCGG took over and relieved us.

On January 20, 2001, At noon, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo takes her oath of office in the presence of the crowd at EDSA, becoming the 14th president of the Philippines.

I sang the Philippine National Anthem that day with full conviction…
“…ang mamatay nang dahil sa iyo” I was ready to die for my country. It fired the passion in my heart that no matter what we will survive as Filipinos and we will carry through our country Philippines by the grace of our Almighty Father.

There were no photographs to show what we have done that day for our beloved motherland, but it was engraved in our hearts. That moment changed our lives. We were never the same person again.

A year after EDSA DOS, I worked as a nurse at Philippine Heart Center. My best friend Myra, was a law student at San Beda that time. She finished law school and became a lawyer.

With my best friend, Atty. Myra A. Bengan

I am thousand miles away from home right now. But I wish to return home one day. I will serve my country again in every way that I can. I long to teach the new generation of Juan’s.

I am proud to be a Filipino.

Mabuhay Ka Pilipinas! Mabuhay ang bawat mamamayang Pilipino!

The making of the Philippine Flag. Painting by Fernando Amorsolo.

I am proud to be a Filipino!


It’s been a few tough shifts at work plus me battling with estrogen withdrawal hormones. Last Friday, I felt the walls around me were crumbling down. That’s my sign to get out of my bat cave ( I work night shift), take a breather and simply enjoy the sun.

We had breakfast @ Cracker Barrel. I love their rocking chair outside the restaurant.

I can’t resist but to sit on one of the rocking chairs. Love it!

As we drove to the beach and look for a good parking spot. This is what awaits us.

Love mornings @ Deerfield Beach.

There is something about the beach, that can calm every troubled soul.Is it the color of the sky? The sound of the waves or the glistening sand?


I love the feel of the sand under my feet, playing with the waves as it reaches the shore, basking under the sun. My spirit is free.


My footprints on the sand. Deerfield Beach, Florida

I was sad when it’s time to leave but I know I can always come back. The beach is like an old friend. It doesn’t matter where it is. It’s arms are open wide to receive every soul that is lost and wandering. The creation offers that solace but think of how much more what our Creator can offer us.

I am blessed. Thank you Lord for your creation. Thank you Lord for being my Creator.



As I continue to ponder what kept me afloat during the difficult times. I found another answer.


Gratitude is a way of life. Not only when we are in abundance but also in our times of need as well as in the ordinary days of our lives. It is the shifting of our paradigms from looking at the glass half full rather than half empty.

When I wake up in the morning, I thank The Lord for another day He has given me. When I am faced with life’s giants, I thank The Lord for another opportunity to increase my faith, to trust him more and to show my obedience in every aspect of my life.

There are moments that I failed to live the life of gratitude too. It is when I let my problems overwhelm me. In moments that I relied on my own capacities and strength. In situations that I took control rather than seeking God first.

Everyday is an opportunity to learn. To learn to keep the faith. To trust God more. To let God be in control. To thank God for every predicament we are in.

And be excited of what awaits us. That is living life with gratitude.

Every person in this photo has a different story to tell. But one thing I am sure of, we are thankful of how God brought us to where we are right now. Taken 4 years ago during our West Visayas State University College of Nursing Grand Reunion at Chicago,Illinois. We belong to Class 1998.
Photo Credit: Joe Belandres

“To be grateful is to recognize the Love of God in everything He has given us – and He has given us everything. Every breath we draw is a gift of His love, every moment of existence is a grace, for it brings with it immense graces from Him.
Gratitude therefore takes nothing for granted, is never unresponsive, is constantly awakening to new wonder and to praise of the goodness of God. For the grateful person knows that God is good, not by hearsay but by experience. And that is what makes all the difference.”
― Thomas Merton

The traditional jump shot. At downtown Chicago.
Photo Credit: Joe Belandres

1 Thessalonians 5:18
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

Simple Fidelity

The theme of my blog is about positivity but it doesn’t mean that my life is perfect. On the contrary it is full of detours, I walked through fire and I crossed the deepest waters. I have a late onset asthma and on allergic march. I am suffering from an early menopause due to a TAHBSO surgery caused by recurring ovarian tumors. My father is battling with an autoimmune disease. This is my reality.

I woke up early today, I asked myself how I was able to manage through the years. That I am still here.

First, my faith in God. There are times that I cried before The Lord for answers, for relief but it never came. I am hanging by a thread yet I kept on. My faith in The Lord is one of the non negotiable things in my life. It kept me sane in my darkest moments. Even I can’t see and feel that God is working it is by faith that I know God will send me my breakthrough. God hasn’t answered my prayers directly but He had sent people to journey with me. Then I realized, this is not about me anymore but about what God wants to do and will be doing in my life. Total surrender to God.

Second, my roots. These are the people in my life who knew what kind of person I am since I was a child or my life before I came to America. They are my family, friends, mentors & prayer partners who never gave up on me. They continue to believe in me. They had opened their heart, their homes and even their resources to help me stay afloat. I will be forever grateful for their presence in my life. They gave me the reason to keep on fighting.

Third, my vocation. Not every person can become a nurse. For me, being a nurse was my calling. I may not have chosen it as a profession initially but because of the influence of my parents, I took this path. When I am frustrated, exhausted and ready to give up. God sends me miracles. Even a simple thank you from my patient’s family is enough to keep me going, to fire my passion and to keep on serving humanity through my profession.

I am weak. I am human. But God’s design for me is to be an overcomer. So I shall overcome.

We need to be strong to meet the day with self-control, to find our reason and purpose, but more important, to leave behind us the heavy and darkened thoughts that kept us from seeing the breathtaking beauty of the most important time—this morning. From the book Think on These Things by Joyce Sequiche Hifler

“Great opportunities come to all, but many do not know they have met them. The only preparation to take advantage of them, is simple fidelity to what each day brings.” -A.E. Dunning

@Siesta Key, Sarasota, Florida

Romans 8:37
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.