The rhythm of my heart

Since I worked the graveyard shift, I get to enjoy the stillness of the night. Most of the people are already asleep while I on the other hand is wide awake.

I was up since midnight.

Thirty seven years ago, I was born on this day. There are days that my mind is overwhelmed with all the humongous responsibility I carry at work and at home. Unlike ordinary days, I get to enjoy the silence.

But really what is being alive? What propels me and you to wake up in the morning and greet a brand new day? On what tempo do we move each day?
On what standards do we measure ourselves with? In the eyes of God, our parents, spouses and friends?

The questions kept piling up the past few months and I am on the hunt for answers.

Then another question emerged.

What was the most life changing event that happened so far in my life? What has the most positive impact in my life and from thereon was a ripple of wonderful memories.

I met you.
You brought me closer to God.
Your love and passion for Him at a young age.
Your simple dreams and generous heart.
You dreamt of being a Doctor and somehow
You have influenced me in my profession.
You are the best birthday gift in my lifetime.
September 10, 1992.
You were a true heaven sent.
You were gone for almost two decades now.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me.

I already bid you farewell, when I laid the roses on your grave. But this time, I wanted to say thank you that once in my life I was loved by you on your short time on earth.

The very first time on my birthday that I did not feel the pain of your death.
Thank you Lord for this wonderful birthday gift.

( I wrote this on my birthday September 8, 2014)

I finally decided to publish this today because it’s October 25, the day you went home to be with our Creator. Remembering you with much love and gratefulness. As I look back God carried me through the pain and broken heart. I celebrate your life!

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Reflection

Depression hurts. You might have seen this as an ad on TV, heard on the radio or read it in an article or a magazine. The past 10 years I saw it crippled a loved one then transference took hold of me. Like a shadow it followed me. The things that I used to enjoy no longer interests me. I can no longer recognize myself on the mirror. I have this unending feeling being in a black hole. I have no more tears to shed, they were dried up. I feel this pressure on my chest that’s about to explode. There is always this elephant in the room that nobody wants to talk about.

I felt that I am fading away. Lifeless. Hopeless. Barely Breathing. I was worst than the comatose patients that I am taking care at work. Withdrawn from the world…shame…fear…anxiety became verbs in my life. And one day, I realized this has to stop, I don’t want this kind of life. This is not me anymore, I am turning into a monster. I sought professional help, I reached out to mentors and spiritual elders for counsel and prayers and started to talk about it with my friends.This happened five years ago. I am forever grateful to everyone who journeyed with me these past years. Due to the side effect of my surgeries, I am battling with an early menopause. I see it happening again.

I remember a very close friend called me the job in real life. I am not ashamed of it. It is true. My life is a roller coaster ride. But what I am thankful the most is the legacy of faith that was passed on to me by my parents. The God who brought me this far is still the same God I served and believed. My quiet time with The Lord is more meaningful everyday. Every battle I face, increases my faith. And more so another opportunity to enjoy God’s faithfulness and grace.

I am still me. Wounded. Scarred. But it doesn’t define me. In my Heavenly Father’s eyes, I am His child. His beloved. Today as I look at myself on the mirror, I have to make a mental note of this truth.

God isn’t finished with me yet.

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Reflection. Photo Credit: Franklin A. Gerochi Jr.

“First of all, you have to keep unmasking the world about you for what it is: manipulative, controlling, power-hungry, and, in the long run, destructive. The world tells you many lies about who you are, and you simply have to be realistic enough to remind yourself of this. Every time you feel hurt, offended, or rejected, you have to dare to say to yourself: ‘These feelings, strong as they may be, are not telling me the truth about myself. The truth, even though I cannot feel it right now, is that I am the chosen child of God, precious in God’s eyes, called the Beloved from all eternity, and held safe in an everlasting belief.”
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World

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@ Siesta Key, Sarasota, Florida. Photo Credit: Franklin A. Gerochi Jr.

Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

You are valuable

Two major surgeries, work injuries and an asthmatic. That sums me up. I’m suppose to be writing something optimistic right? Be patient with me. I will get there. I haven’t mention that I am the major breadwinner as well. Go ahead. Do the math. Yes, I have been there , worrying if the check will come in the mail or there are more additional documents to submit before I will receive my disability pay on time. I am out of my wits and wondering if we will live on the streets. I had my second major surgery a year ago, for the past 6 months my asthma attack is mild compared to the previous years, and my work injury was more than 3 years ago. We have a roof above our head, a warm bed to sleep on, food on our table and money to pay our bills. Yes, I am still here. I still have my sanity. I have a family who loves me. And above all it is because of my Heavenly Father who watches over me. Who knew every detail of my life, every tear I shed and every pain I suffered. I am a sinner yet saved by grace. I am valuable in my Heavenly Father’s eyes and that’s what matters most at the end of the day. He is my peace.

Photo credit: Franklin A. Gerochi Jr.

Photo credit: Franklin A. Gerochi Jr.


Matthew 6:26 “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

Why September Joy ?

I promised myself that I will only write positive things on this blog. My love for God. My zeal for Life. My heart for nature. My kinship with people. I want to rediscover my passion and this is what this new blog is all about. I hope and pray that I will be able to deliver.

I was born on September 8. Eight is the symbol of infinity. Sapphire is my birthstone, since the Middle Ages and, according to folklore, will protect your loved ones from envy and harm. Medieval clergy wore sapphires to symbolize heaven, while commoners thought the gem attracted heavenly blessings. – See more at: http://www.americangemsociety.org. Aster is my birth flower, it carries the meaning of Love, Faith, Wisdom and symbolizes Valor.

I am the only girl in between two brothers. I am the apple of my parent’s eye. I am a beloved child of God.

I followed Christ through water baptism on September 7, 1991, a day before my 14th birthday.

I received the best birthday gift ever in my lifetime on September 10, 1992.

I had my first date with my boyfriend now husband on my 26th birthday.

On September 21, 2003 my boyfriend now husband were officially together as couple.

Now, you see why September is such a meaningful and a wonderful month for me aside from being my birth month.

Hello, September Joy! You are the mirror image of my positive self ( I hope!)Can’t wait to see how this blog will roll! See you!

Hubby @ the lens, a precious moment for both of us

Hubby @ the lens, a precious moment for both of us

One of the many perks of living in the Sunshine State... Florida!

One of the many perks of living in the Sunshine State… Florida!